He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
