You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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