just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
