and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
