I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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