I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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