If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
