Ambien. No doubt about it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
