So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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