if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
