Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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