The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
