so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
