hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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