its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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