I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
