sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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