bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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