oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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