were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just puked most of my soul out..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
