My underwear smells like fireworks.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
