Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
