she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
