I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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