It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
