So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
