forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
