even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
