Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
its liver damage thursday
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
