Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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