So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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