I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
