i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
