I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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