i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is my gift to your gina
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
