yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
