god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
