i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
