I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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