How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
