You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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