True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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