She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
