he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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