bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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