They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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