i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
