His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
