theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize