I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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