hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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