I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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