in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He passed out mid-signature
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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