Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
