My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
