i already hear my dad disowning me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So squirting runs in the family.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
