I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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