i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
