ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And then my night got REAL pukey
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
