If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
