I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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