Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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