Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
