If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
