so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
