That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My dick has a subreddit
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
