Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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