i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
